An Idol As The Purpose of My Life

Small Update

I enrolled to a private university, after it was clear that I would never make it alive from Bandung Institute of Technology (ITB) as a fully-qualified engineer with undergraduate diploma. My new campus is located in Semarang, a city port in Central Java.

As expected from a large city near the sea in tropical land, the temperature here is much hotter than both my hometown and Bandung, where I used to live before. So I spend the first day bare-chested, with fan constantly running. And so it goes, I got a light fever. Not severe enough to make you stay on bed for the whole day, but annoying enough to plague you with persistent nausea every time you’re awoken. As for now, the fever still lingers on, and maybe slight dehydration also contribute to the fever.

A Certain Voice Actress I’ve Never Meet

Someone in Facebook group discussion asked which one to buy first, a BB gun or a dakimakura (in this context, dutch-wife sheath with full body cute-girl picture in anime art style). I really despise his reason to buy dakimakura, ‘to show my status as an otaku’. But now that I think of it, perhaps I’m doing the same as he does, (I would never call myself an otaku, tho).

Over last couple of years I’ve changed my love interest at least 4 times. Most of them are real-life girls I’ve met personally (who avoids or even confronts me after they found that I am a creepy stalker), and some are female 2-D characters from Japanese animations. Now my love interest is a popular Japanese voice actress, several months older than me.

To confirm my unrequited feelings, I begin putting her photo as my cellphone wallpaper, collecting (illegally via internet) and putting her songs in my playlist, and using the characters she portrays as my profile photos on Facebook. Over the internet, I talk a lot about her, quote her songs as my online status, I really declare to everyone that I love her. I plan to collect figurines and merchandises of her characters, and display them in my room.

Strange? Something’s wrong?


While she is a top ranked voice actress with large fan-base,  there are much better voice actresses other than her. She doesn’t have Kugimiya Rie’s trademark specialty, and she’s not as flexible (i.e, capable of changing the voice and portraying a wide array of character personality) as Itou Kanae or Kobayashi Yuu. Her singing talent is nowhere as near as Sakamoto Maaya or Takagaki Ayahi. But still I admire her. She’s the one I’m in love with, no matter what.

How can I fall in love with someone I’ve never met personally?

The answer is, I make my devotion to her as part of my identity. The devotion is something that set me apart from another boys of my age. I am who I am, partly because I admire her, I love her and I really dream that someday I could get married with her.

She’s also my motivation.

Being in my early twenties with no visible success in any field, I need something as my target. Something difficult enough to reach, to motivate me to get the most of myself, and score visible goals. The goals are simple yet foolish, I have to live in Japan in the near future, and start my career path as a voice actor. FYI, my major is neither theatrical arts nor Japanese language, but computer science.

Ridiculous? Certainly.

The plan is straightforward, somehow I’ll obtain a graduate scholarship in Japan, then I’ll sneak out between university class hours for voice acting academy training. Of course I must be careful not to fail in my scholarship study, unless I want to be sent home before I can achieve my dream. Step by step I gain my reputation as voice actor, and someday I may (must) become her acting partner, bonus if I get a role of a character who has romantic relationship or feelings with her character she plays. Over the course of time, I can get closer with her, and tadaa~~~ in my early thirties, we’ll get married, just like the voice actor couple Sakamoto Maaya and Suzumura Kenichi.

That plan is an excellent stimulus for me to be serious in my study. Also, with her as my self-proclaimed significant other, I can avoid hitting any other girls to whom I have some inclinations with. Thus, I could stay away real-life conflicts often faced by teenage couples.

She’s there waiting for me. Someday, ‘as the rain lifts and the rainbow smiles, I’ll walk hand in hand, towards the light’.

Because she’s already put her curse on my soul,

An Idol As The Purpose of My Life

2 thoughts on “An Idol As The Purpose of My Life

  1. Catherine Meyers says:

    Hello Hirafitri,

    I’ve been reading An Apathetic Believer and I like your writing style and the great lifestyle and J-culture articles you feature. I’m also impressed by the quality your blog has, nice cool presentation. You have a fun world portrayed here.

    That is why I would love to add your blog in the blog directory that I admin. It’s a high web traffic, Page Rank 5 blog directory named Blogdire,, it’s visit count grows exponentially every day and has high quality gained by listing great blogs like yours, because it does not have advertisement nor pop-ups.

    Having your blog listed in Blogdire, will definitely improve it’s page rank in search engines, (like Google), and you will have many visits to leave nice comments and feedback, and of course, enjoy your blog and share your interests.

    In exchange of becoming part of the directory, all I ask is a simple link to my other site, I can assure you, the operation is extremely simple and there is no money involved.

    The idea is that you send me the title with a little description of your blog and I’ll add it to the category you choose at Blogdire, it will appear with a preview picture and new posts shown on the main page. On your side, I only ask for a link to with a tiny button of your choice: or any of this text anchors: Online Games, Free Online Games, Games or Play Games, in your blogroll, links or at the bottom of your sidebar.

    Let me know if you are interested and what you think.

    Kind regards,


    1. Thanks for your offer. I like Blogdire’s clean, simple interface and its quick blog feeds.
      I am really interested with the offer, but I’m sorry to tell you that I want to keep my blog free from any advertisements or the likes, so I guess I’ll pass this time.

      PS: Blogdire ctrl+d’ed

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s